I was in contemplation the other day when it hit me that for a long time I have read books, went to church services, and had many conversations about how to change things about who I am. To try to be a better christian. A better american. A better human. To take some truth and try to “apply” it to my life. As much as I believe a particular truth and want to fit it into the way I live my life, I usually end up forgetting about it the next day until I am lying in bed and realize that I didn’t fit it into my day at all. I go about my day doing what I’ve always done. Doing what is familiar to me. Doing what I know. The pace of my day doesn’t afford me the opportunity (maybe my brain is just really slow) to stop and asses how I am using newly learned practices that are usually almost to abstract for me to grasp in the first place.
So I often find myself frustrated by my inability to insert practices into my life that I believe to be life giving and holistic. Our readings and conversations throughout WCD have been rich, challenging and refreshing. Although to often I find myself doing the same things that I have always done, and I ask myself why it’s so hard for me to change my thinking and my life practices. However, in my contemplation, God has been showing me this truth, that new enlightenments are never easy to just “apply” to our lives as though we have known them for a thousand years. We can’t just force them into our daily routine and expect them to fit. At least I can’t. As I continue that conversation with my maker, and as I continue to look deeper into my true nature and the nature of God, I begin to see a change in my thinking.
Slowly, gradually my view of life and spirituality shifts a little bit. As I begin to really KNOW those truths, they go beyond memory or intellect. They seep into my soul and become a part of me without my knowing or trying, and if they become a part of me then the only thing I need to be day to day is…simply me. This is how God transforms us, by the renewing of our minds and hearts. Again my view of the nature of God and how he works is fundamentally challenged through such a simple truth as this. Little by little, as we listen and wait, we become who God intended us to be. Often we are unable to measure this change except for when we look back at who we were years ago and we realize how far we’ve come by the grace of God. We realize how many truths he has taught us and how it has effected and changed our lives. I am reminded to be patient with myself. I can change, but it’s going to take some time to grow. Immersed in the soil that is relationship with my maker, I can trust and be patient. I do not control how fast I grow.